I am sure you are all wondering why you haven’t received any posts from me lately. WELL! I have been behind the scenes working hard to re-launch the You In Bloom website where you will be able to find more great posts from me many others.
I am looking for freelance writers to be featured on the new site to write about the following topics.
- Food & Nutrition
- Wellness Events
- Book & App Reviews
If you are anyone you know is interested please email email@example.com for more information.
See you guys soon on the new site!
Join me and others on their journey as we read and follow the 40-day guidebook
May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein.
This online group will begin Monday, October 7th!
To purchase the book click on the picture above.
Gabrielle Bernstein is a New York Times Bestseller and the author of
Spirit Junkie and Add More ~Ing to Your Life.
May Cause Miracles is a 40-day guidebook of subtle shifts for radical change and unlimited happiness.
By joining this group and being an active member you can expect transformation in 40 days: simply by adding up subtle shifts to create miraculous change!
If you are interested in joining the group please click here!
I hope you will join me!
- Day 122 – ReFocus (finallylivingsingle.wordpress.com)
Oprah: If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Me: Us women sometimes think we have the ability to change a man or to change ourselves to make a man want us. It doesn’t work that way. If he wants to leave he is going to leave, nothing that you do will make him stay. If he wants to stay, HE WILL! Dont compromise who you are to try to keep a man in your life, it is energy wasted!
Oprah: Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Me: Trust yourself ladies. We know the answers, and we feel when something isn’t right. We just don’t listen and we don’t trust our own spirit. In many cases we are so disconnected from who we are and our own spirit that we can’t tell the difference between fear and our spirit talking to us. Listen to your intuition and allow it to guide you and save you from the heartache that could be on its way from a man!
Oprah: Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better.
Me: Too much, too fast, too soon is never a good thing. I say this all the time. Take things slow, get to know the man and allow him to get to know you. Do not alter who you are to make the relationship work or put on the face of who you think the man wants you to be to get the relationship you think you need. What is meant to be will BE!
Oprah: Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
Me: I have said it before and I will say it again. I believe that you 20′s is for dating and learning about yourself and what truly makes you happy and your 30′s is for companionship and sharing the love you have within yourself with your companion. You have to love yourself first and be happy within before you can share that with someone else. A man can not give that to you no matter how many ways you try to convince yourself he can, and if you think you have trust that it is an illusion! Do not live for a relationship or a man live for yourself and your happiness and real genuine love will come naturally to you.
Oprah: If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Don’t settle.
Me: People question me all the time when I tell them not to be friends with their ex’s. What kind of friendship are you going to have with someone who has hurt you? Is that what friends do? Hurt each other? Many times we sell ourselves this story that we are true friends with out mates, when in reality you probably never really took the time to develop a true solid foundation of friendship. Therefore, there is no being friends after the relationship has ended. In some cases there is a true friendship, and when there is the relationship usually isn’t ending because someone hurt the other, and in those cases I think it is good to have a friendship. Also, when there are children involved, learning to be friends and co-parent in a healthy way is very important!
Oprah: If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Me: Again, trust your gut. You know when you are being taken for a ride and you can choose to step out of the car! Walk away!
Oprah: Don’t stay because you think “it will get better” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
Me: There is one thing in this world that we can’t get back and that is time. If you aren’t working “together” to improve your relationship then it is time to walk away. It takes two, and if you are the only one trying to fix things or with hopes that it will get better, LEAVE!
Oprah: The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Me: You can not control or change anyone else. Only yourself. You can try, but you wont get very far. You lead the way and make the changes that you feel you need to make within yourself to better your relationship and if he doesn’t follow on his own then… I don’t think I need to say the rest!
Oprah: Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Me: Is it possible that people can change over time, and that maybe back when he had the kids he was a different man, absolutely. Are the chances of that slim? absolutely! I am not saying that it is impossible, but be very careful with these situations, they can either go really well or REALLY BAD!
Oprah: Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Me: Have your own life ladies. Many time we make the mistake of making our mans life our life. We share everything, even friends. What begins to happen is that you lose your own sense of who you are because you are so consumed with him, his life AND his friends. There has to be some separateness with friends and you must maintain your own life that you can enjoy outside of your relationship. Any man who tells that you shouldnt have friends or certain types of friends is a problem, and probably trying to control you and your relationship.
Oprah: Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Me: USE YOUR VOICE! This is something I struggled with for many years. I was never taught how to set boundaries or to stand up for myself when someone was treating me bad. Set boundaries and speak up. When you don’t, you get taken advantage of and put in situations that don’t mean you well. You end up unhappy, because nothing is on your terms, everything is on his!
Oprah: Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
Me: Too much information can be bad sometimes. I am an open book and guilty of this and I must say in some cases it has come back to bite me in the ass. There are some things that are just better left to be kept to yourself.
Oprah: You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
Me: AGAIN, you can not change anyone, only yourself. You can lead someone in the right direction but you can’t make then take action, they have to do that on their own!
Oprah: Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has more education or in a better job.
Me: We are all one, and we are all equal. Understand that concept and embrace. No one person is more important than you, we are all equal!
Oprah: Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Me: When you put a man on a pedestal the only direction he can go from there is down. Do not set unreasonable expectations, he is a man not a superhuman. He can’t save your or fix you or make you happy, you have to do that. Accept him as the man that he is and nothing more than that.
Oprah: Never borrow someone else’s man.
Me: Any woman who feels the need to do this needs some major work done within herself. When you feel you worthless enough to not deserve to be the one and only in a mans life, you really need to work on improving the love you have for yourself.
Oprah: A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
Me: YES, YES and YES! Not just men, but people overall will only do what you allow them to. When you set boundaries and use your voice you immediately put a stop to a behavior that doesn’t honor who you are as a women!
Oprah: All men are NOT dogs.
Me: You are what you attract and that is the bottom line. So if you feel like you keep attracting what we call dogs then that means you must be barking as well. It all starts within. Take a look in the mirror and have a serious look at what you are putting out into the universe. It may not be obvious to see and you may have to dig deep but once you do the work and make changes within yourself you will see that there are plenty of loving, nurturing men out there! You have to be what you want first though, it all starts with YOU!
Oprah: You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is two-way street.
Me: Once again, it takes two. Compromise goes both ways. If you find yourself always being the one to have to compromise then there is a problem and chances are he really doesn’t want to be in this relationship.
Oprah: You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
Me: Serial Monogamy! How many of us are guilty of that? As soon as you leave one relationship another one is knocking at the door, and you open it. Spend some time alone to learn about yourself and love yourself. Being alone can be life changing, you start to realize how fearful you are of it and how much work there is to do within yourself. Once you become aware and accepting of this you can start to heal and then be ready for a true loving relationship.
Oprah: You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary not supplementary.
Me: You are already complete, you just don’t know it. You have to connect with yourself on a spiritual level to tap into what you already have. It feels as if you are empty inside and it is easy to find things outside of you to fill those, holes especially men, but know that those fillings are temporary, and you will go back to being unhappy once they wear off. Nothing that is used to fill those wholes that is outside of you is real or permanent. The only thing that is permanent is knowing that you are already complete and doing the work to fully embrace that and know that you are whole and you are all the LOVE you need. Then you share that with someone else. Two complete people come together to compliment each other, and share their love with each other, not to complete each other.
Oprah: Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.
Me: Everyone needs space. This goes back to having your own life, and not completely consuming yourself with your mate.
Oprah: Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man.
Me: That is self-explanatory!
Oprah: You should know that you’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you and you want more .. so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one.
Me: Ladies take care of your own hearts. No one is responsible for that except for YOU! Also, set the example for your children especially your daughters if you have, to do the same. Get right with yourself before you bring someone else into your life. Many of us woman are making the mistake of thinking a man is going to heal the pain our fathers have caused us. YES I said it, MOST of these issues with men stem from our fathers, and we have to learn to forgive our fathers and accept them for who they are, forgive ourselves for the pain we have inflicted upon ourself by engaging in these toxic relationships, let go of the pain and learn to love ourself. You can not give something that you don’t already have within yourself. So if you don’t love yourself not only can you not give love to someone else but love will not be welcomed into your life. You will continue on a path of the same types of relationships over and over and over wondering why nothing has changing thinking that it’s the men. While it is the men, and they have issues just like we do, it is also YOU, and YOU can change you. You can’t change them. So why not take the easy route, go look in the mirror and get to work. I GUARANTEE you, you will come out shining in the end, and you will welcome loving relationships into your life!
Share this with other women, you may make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. I hope I did.
I am conducting an online group with 19 beautiful women where we are following the Deepak and Oprah 21-Day Meditation challenge as well as the 40-day guidebook May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein. Most of the women don’t know each other, come from various backgrounds and are in different age groups as well as different stages of their healing process.
As we have gone along some of the ladies have reached out to me with questions about what they are feeling and how the group is affecting them. So I sent this email to them today explaining what some of them may be experiencing and why, and wanted it to share it with all of you!
As you all follow this program and transition from a fear to love based life you will begin to feel different as we go along. You will go through different phases in the healing process that reflect in how you feel and perceive things. This is good, this is whats suppose to happen. Some of it will feel great and sometimes you will feel very uncomfortable. Whatever you do, don’t give up! The longer to stick with it the more comfortable and easier the changes will become.
- Being Lost - Many of you came into this program at this first stage. Feeling lost, as if you were in darkness not able to find a shed of light. Or maybe you have found some light but it isn’t shinning the way you believe it truly can and you still felt like something was missing. When the need to love and be loved isn’t met you can not develop and flourish. At this stage you feel stuck and unable to feel freedom within yourself. You have to be ready to move on from this step. Many people stay here all their lives. I watched my mother me entire life live in this step until she died at 47. One of my biggest fears has been dying the same way she did, which has led me on the path I am currently on. Recognizing that you are lost, and being aware of it is the first step to moving on to the next step! Awareness is everything and from there change is on the way!
- Get Called - There is usually a breaking point or an event that happens in ones that life that serves as an invitation to break through all the emotional and intellectual concrete holding us stuck. It can be that you just have no more room for more baggage in your life, you could experience some type of tragic event, you could lose someone or something, or you could just naturally begin to want to better yourself with age and maturity and understand that there has to be more to life than the pain you are living in. Whatever it may be, accepting the invitation is what will bring you to the next step. For many of you, this group was the invitation that you accepted as a result of whatever was going on in your life! For others this may have been an added part of a bigger invitation you have already accepted in life to transition.
- Get Started - Most of you are in this phase now. This is the first time that you have looked at the possibility of healing your emotional pain and hurt. You have made this a priority in your life and are willing and ready to change. As humans our most basic need is for love and healing isn’t always about finding or rediscovering rather remembering and connecting with your central core of love that has been buried deep inside of you. This is scary, and far from easy. Coming face to face with these issues can bring up so much emotion that it can be overwhelming. Many people get stuck here. They get the knowledge they need to make the changes, and understand the changes they would like to make and know how to do it but they just cant bring their self to get started. There is too much fear holding them back. They have been stuck in pain for so long that they fear being happy or don’t feel like they even deserve to be happy, so they just stay here with a wealth of knowledge that they usually use to give to other people and help others, which they essentially use to make them selves feel better. This is a temporary bandaide and isn’t going to get you to the next stage.That was me for a LONG time. I filled myself with knowledge about any and everything having to do with self-improvement, and self-help. But I wasn’t applying it to my life, I was just using it to help others and to seem like I knew it ALL! I definitely knew it all but I wasn’t living it and I was still unhappy. My frustration level with that over flowed eventually and I got frustrated with having all the answers but not being able to apply them. I had to realize that no one was stopping me but me. However, when I was ready I just did it. I never gave up on myself no matter how frustrated I became.
- Get Up! - This phase is simply showing up for the assignments. The spiritual assignments in life as Gabby would say. No longer being afraid of the assignments and taking what you are learning and applying it to your life. Understanding that everything that is happening in your life is an assignment and there is something to be learned from it. During this phase is when you may start to feel resistance from your ego and you may feel very uncomfortable. Your ego wants you to go back to being lost and isn’t happy that you have been called, gotten started and gotten up! Many people don’t move past getting started because they let their ego take over and hold them back! It will sometimes feel as if you are having an internal war within yourself. This is ok let love win the war not fear!
- Get Going - Once you get up you can now get going. Get going with your healing in a way that there is nothing that can stop you. You understand what you need to do, you’re doing it consistently and you are seeing changes in your life. You are shifting from a fear based life to a love based live and you aren’t resisting it. You are no longer in denial that there are issues, you have forgiven yourself and others, and you are helping and setting an example for others to follow in the same path as you! You have let go of your fears and understand what your triggers are and how to manage them when they pop up. You are healing!
So I’m sitting here relaxing and watching TV. It is rare that I can just sit and watch TV, so I am enjoying this. I started to watch this show R&B Divas; I heard was pretty good. The Divas were in Las Vegas, and on the last night they did something that I thought was unique and powerful. They wrote vows, went to a chapel, and each of them married their self. Here is a clip of the vows of one of the Divas that had me in tears. R&B Divas
There were tears on and off the screen as I watched this ceremony. It was amazing to see these women “Tell Their Truth” as Iyanla Vanzant would say. They were open with each other and showed their vulnerabilities. They spoke about their fears, forgiveness, and the commitments they are vowing to make to their self moving forward. They broke down and opened up; I loved it!
Prior to the ceremony the question was posed by a Diva that is what ultimately inspired me to write this post. Would You Marry Yourself? Immediately I answered that question in my head about myself. Would I marry myself? In that present state that I am in yes I would because we are attracted to people who are a reflection of ourself. So if I were dating me right now, I would be attracted to me and I would want to marry me. However, when I think about the woman I have yet to become that I am growing into, and if I would marry me as I am now, once I am that woman. I have to say no. Even though I want marriage one day, I am not ready for it, hence why the universe hasn’t given it to me yet. The universe knows I am not ready. Once I complete my evolution I will no longer be a reflection of who I am now and I will not be attracted to who I am now. So marriage would be a NO GO!
So of course I wanted to participate in this activity in some way. While I can’t marry myself, I can write vows to myself. So here it goes.
I vow to always love and respect myself and my body
I vow to always tell my truth every second of every day
I vow to forgive myself
I vow to be fearless
I vow to be the best mother I can be
I vow to let go and live in the NOW
I vow to know my worth
I vow to set boundaries
I vow to use my voice
I vow to love and live the life the universe has planned for me without fear
I challenge you to do the same, and answer the question as well as write the vows. It felt good to let those vows out and make a committment to myself. I almost want to go to the justice of peace and really marry myself with those vows, that’s how good it felt. Say them in the mirror after you write them while looking yourself dead in the eyes, just like you would if you were marrying someone else. Trust me, it will feel amazing!
Good Luck with your marriage!
- Iyanla Vanzant Gives It To Us Straight: Black Women Are Out Of Order! (madamenoire.com)
Join me and friends as we read and follow the 40-day guidebook May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein. This online group will begin Monday, August 5th which is also the start date for the 21-Day Mediation Challenge with Oprah and Deepak Chopra; mentioned in my last blog post 21-Day Meditation Challenge which the group will also be participating in.
To purchase the book click on the picture above.
Gabrielle Bernstein is a New York Times Bestseller and the author of Spirit Junkie and Add More ~Ing to Your Life. May Cause Miracles is a 40-day guidebook of subtle shifts for radical change and unlimited happiness. By joining this group and being an active member you can expect transformation in 40 days: simply by adding up subtle shifts to create miraculous change!
If you are interested in joining the group please click here!
I hope you will join me!
- Day 122 – ReFocus (finallylivingsingle.wordpress.com)